It’s been six years since the pandemic. Children — walking, talking, going to school — go through life without its memory. As time sweeps me farther from it, even I forget the edges of it. But Fishbowl remembers.

Fishbowl floats gently, but authentically, through a time when grief stayed suspended in the air like misty drops. Time moves unbearably, slowly. Life is unprecedently restricted. Routine is both a comfort and an oppression. And, in the game, it is all in the background. It’s setting for the bated breath of our heroine’s daily life — dominated by its own, more pressing and personal, loss.

Despite this, Fishbowl shines with hope. Choosing to offer players the chance to pierce through despondent fog by bonding with friends, building a future, and connecting with the past.

Alo is barely an adult. Her first steps into an independent life are marred by grief and blessed with good luck. She has just graduated college. The pandemic has just begun. She’s just rented a large, cheap apartment. Her exciting job has just become work-from-home.

Her grandmother has just passed away.

Because she was so far away at school, Alo didn’t get to say goodbye to her beloved Jaja. The swirling combination of guilt and excitement, denial and growth, make for a powerful opening that flows smoothly into the mundanity of life and struggle.

Monday through Saturday, Alo has to sit down at her desk, meeting coworkers and developing her video editing skills in a dream job. The minigame has me place like-colored bars in the correct rows as everything continuously speeds up. It’s hectic enough to be engaging without being frustrating. I end up feeling like I earn my reputation as a good editor.

Filling the hours outside of work can be a rougher test of my skill. Alo has a bar representing her current state of being attached to her at all times. Choosing to brush her teeth or resist the urge to doom scroll can increase her mental health. However, especially in the beginning, she sometimes simply doesn’t have enough goodwill stored up to accomplish those tasks, and so her mood spirals making self-care even harder.

Each mood-effecting task takes the form of a button-pushing minigame. These are simple and accompanied by perfectly picked sounds. That they become repetitive is in service to the constricting setting’s aura. I appreciate this immensely, but also began to look at the month-long duration of the game with trepidation as the days dragged on.

Occasionally, bright spots of light will shake up your routine. If you’ve done enough to level up Alo’s confused inner-self, new activities — like watering your grandmother’s wilting roses or reading in the most comfortable-looking nook — open up. Or a friend will call with news and warmth. Or a package full of memories will appear on your doorstep.

After her grandmother’s death, Alo volunteers to sort through all of her old stuff, rather than letting it all get tossed. These unpacking puzzles transition into memory which, whether heartwarming or heart wrenching, continuously and deftly unravel more of Fishbowl’s impactful narrative.

Fishbowl‘s complicated pool of grief and authentic, stumbling healing craft a deeply personal experience. So, when I was asked to make a choice about Alo’s future in the end, I was irreparably invested. Consequently, I finished the game feeling a little healed from my own tribulations alongside Alo.

PELHAM, N.H. — Local husband and father of two Randy Carlisle regularly misplaces his reading glasses, inhibiting his ability to view pornography clearly, sources confirm.

“I waste a lot of precious time looking for my glasses while my wife and kids are out of the house,” said Carlisle. “I get very few opportunities to have alone time, so I’m pretty devastated when I can’t find my readers. Usually I wind up running out of time and just watching blurry blobs gyrating while listening to the audio. It’s not an ideal situation, but it gets the job done. I should probably order a dozen pairs of reading glasses on Amazon and keep them in strategic places because this seems to happen pretty often. Better throw in a few more bottles of Jergens to be covered on that front as well.”

Carlisle’s wife says she hides his glasses on purpose.

“I know what sick shit that pervert gets up to when I’m out. Apparently after decades of using the internet he still doesn’t know how to clear his browser history,” said Andrea Carlisle. “In the past few years he’s been too ‘tired’ or too busy playing PS5 to have sex with me, so I do my best to ruin his little goon sessions. Sometimes I’ll hide his glasses to fuck with him a little bit. I’ve got some other techniques I use to frustrate his efforts as well, such as adding a little sand to the bottle of Jergens he keeps in the bathroom closet. Lately I’ve been putting in a few drops of ghost pepper oil as well.”

Scientists at Neuralink have good news for pornography enthusiasts with poor vision.

“In a few years, people won’t even need eyes to consume porn,” explained researcher Ian Coxon. “With Neuralink’s brain-computer interface implant, the smut will bypass traditional input organs like eyes and ears and will be transmitted directly into the subject’s sensory cortex, enabling an unprecedented level of immersion. Our chimp test subjects have taken to it so enthusiastically that they’ll often forgo food and sleep to prolong their ‘gooning.’ Several have actually died of dehydration, which we could prevent in human users with an IV drip.”

At press time, Mr. Carlisle had driven himself to urgent care after inexplicable burns appeared on his sensitive areas after “moisturizing” with Jergens lotion.

The post 42-Year-Old Man Can’t Masturbate Until He Finds His Readers appeared first on HARDTIMES.

COLD SPRING HARBOR, N.Y. — Nassau Coaches Invitational took place this weekend, at which a new national record had been set in the backwards long jump event.

The gold medal in this event was won by Plainview junior and 16-year old, Ava Monterero, who had launched herself in reverse, northeast across the Long Island Sound, eventually landing in New Haven, Connecticut.

“Since she was very young, she’s had her eyes set on greatness. From just four years old, she had already learned to clip through walls. Now she’s an athlete with a national record and every reporter wants to hear from her! And they will in due time,” said Monterero’s mother while polishing the gold medal around her comatose daughter’s neck. “We’re so very proud.”

Monterero’s impressive new national record still falls short of the current world record held by a Japanese middle school student. Though, that figure is contested as the jump is still ongoing.

In 2024, 13-year-old Yamakawa Noboru, during tryouts for his school’s track & field team, had backwards long jumped into low orbit. NASA scientists estimate his journey around the earth will continue for another four years, three months, and eight days—completing one full revolution every 84 minutes (approximately 17 times per day).

On Monday, July 14th, 2030, Yamakawa’s frozen corpse will catch up to and collide with the International Space Station, at which point the record books will officially be able to award his 997,693,204-mile jump.

The post High School Athlete Sets New National Record in Backwards Long Jump appeared first on Palette Swap.