PALO ALTO, Calif. — Travis Robles, a local Nintendo fan known for his near-encyclopedic knowledge of all things Pokémon, was seen texting his mother late last week after finding out that a job application required the social security number he’d deemed too unimportant to commit to memory.

“I just don’t see the point in memorizing a number that I basically never use,” said 39-year-old Robles, who can recite his Trainer ID for every Pokémon game he’s played since the release of Blue Version in 1998. “Your brain can only hold so much information, the way a Pokémon can only remember four moves at a time. If I learn my social security number, then it’s 1, 2, and…poof! I’ll forget what level Bruxish learns Wave Crash and that’s just not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Robles’s mother says she’s grown used to her son’s eccentricities.

“Early on, Travis’s father and I realized that to get him to do something, we’d have to gamify it a little,” Karen Cortez-Robles said. “As a kid, we told him that tests and homework were ways to ‘gain exp’ and that different fruits and vegetables on his plate could cure status conditions. We thought he’d eventually grow out of needing that, but now I’m not so sure. At least his hygiene has improved since they introduced the ability to bathe your Pokémon.”

Psychologist Dr. Yurie Clement offered his own analysis of Robles’s Pokémania.

“Stanford researchers identified years ago that there is a region of the brain dedicated to memorizing Pokémon,” Clement explained. “The brain’s lobes are a muscle group. Just like any other part of the body, working or neglecting certain muscle groups can cause them to strengthen or atrophy, respectively. What we’re likely seeing in the case of Mr. Robles is a situation where the part of his brain dedicated to these pocket monsters has grown enough to overtake the weaker parts of his brain that govern other aspects of his life. Franky, it’s a miracle that he doesn’t think his name is Pikachu.”

At press time, Robles was overheard telling a lending advisor at his local bank that his 530 credit score is good actually because it’s the base stat total for Incineroar, who is “a total beast in competitive play.”

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Nearly 400 workers formed two units under Blizzard Entertainment's Platform and Technology department

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TOKYO — Confirming rumors about its next PlayStation console, Sony officially announced that it’s working on the technically unprecedented PS6, which will allow PS4 games to look slightly better than previous iterations.

“The PS5 ran PS4 games better than any console before it—the PS4, and even the PS4 Pro,” said Christian McNair, a spokesperson for the PlayStation design team. “Sony is pleased to announce that the PS6 will make all your favorite PS4 games look better than they already do on PS5. Just wait till you see what Uncharted 4 looks like on the Sony OLED 4K TV you probably already own.”

The first release for the PS6 will be a new entry in Sony’s acclaimed Spider-Man video game series.

“A new Spider-Man will release exclusively on PS6,” confirmed Ted Price, CEO of Insomniac Games. “Once its initial window of exclusivity is up, a ‘Definitive Edition’ of the game will become available for PS4. The PS4 Definitive Edition on PS6 will become the best way to play, followed by the PS4 Definitive Edition on PS5 Pro. We’ve done the math and we’re pretty sure this will make the highest possible number of PlayStation owners happy.”

Graphical upgrades on PS6, however, are limited solely to PS4 games.

“So, due to complex hardware limitations, PS5 games will typically look the same, and occasionally a little worse on the PS6. The PS5 Pro will remain the best console for most PS5 games,” McNair explained. “Speaking of the PS5 Pro, we can confirm a PS6 Pro is already in the works. The PS6 Pro will further improve the graphical fidelity of our extensive library of PS4 classics. It will be incapable of playing PS5 games though, so hold onto your regular PS6 for that, or even better, a PS5 Pro.”

While Sony has yet to announce the price of its next console, they confirmed that once fans have a look at Ghost of Tsushima running on PS6, they will no doubt be signing up for one of several long-term financing options.

The post PS6 to Be Even Better Than PS5 at Making Your PS4 Games Look a Little Nicer appeared first on Palette Swap.

DOWNERS GROVE, Ill. — Loving parent Debra Swanson showed interest in her son’s tech career by following all of his AI slop accounts.

“My Steven is such a smart boy! Can you believe he made these?” Debra reported. “I love the one he made recently of Charlie Kirk hugging George Floyd in heaven. Such a powerful message. I made sure to say in the comments how proud I was of my little man! I follow dozens of his accounts online and watch everything posted on each one. It ends up taking hours of my day but he needs to know how happy I am for him! I don’t understand many, like the ones with all the sad cats because cats shouldn’t be sad, but he’s the big internet star!”

Steven Swanson, Debra’s son and AI slop creator, was indifferent about his mom’s support.

“Yeah I have about 80 accounts on Instagram alone. I hope to get enough views to make a profit,” Steven explained. “My mom likes all my posts, it’s nice of her I guess. A few of my accounts are for fake movie trailers and posters. She will sometimes call me up and tell me things like she thinks Will Smith is going to be terrible as the next James Bond. She’ll also ask if I know any of the sexy trad women who say they are single. I’m not even aware of most of these posts until she congratulates me on them.”

Mrs. Swanson also regularly sends her son’s work to all of her friends.

“I don’t get them from her directly, but she sends them to my mom who sends them to me and says ‘Debra’s boy made this’. I’ll be visiting for Thanksgiving and she will shove her phone an inch from my face to a picture he made of a shitty burger that looks like the face of Queen Elizabeth if you squint,” reported Jessica Sheridan, whose mom is close friends with Debra. “She tells me that because I went to art school I should really talk to that guy sometime. I tell her that’s okay and then she looks at me like I must have had some huge falling out with him. I think I met him once fifteen years ago?”

At press time, Debra had also befriended several of the people commenting on her son’s posts, unaware that most of them are bot accounts created by Steven as well.

The post Supportive Mom Follows All of Son’s AI Slop Accounts appeared first on Palette Swap.

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — In a viral post that was seen by over 2.1 Million users, Redditor and indie dev LessNESman shared a build of Here, My Dear, a whimsical side-scrolling game he created as a means of requesting a divorce from his wife, Marissa.

“We’d been seeing a couples therapist,” said Marvin Benson, the man behind the account. “She encouraged us to express our feelings in whatever way felt most comfortable. I’ve been a hobby game dev since before Marissa and I started dating, so speaking through games just made sense.”

While the game presents itself traditionally with its classic run-and-jump platforming formula and pixel aesthetics, the intermingling of its shockingly personal narrative and level design are where it really surprises.

“At first, I thought it was just a sweet anniversary gift,” said Marissa Benson, whose NPC representation in the game grows progressively more gleeful with each of the player’s failures. “I think it was the end of Stage 2, where you slowly walk through a sewer littered with detailed pixel art of all the gifts Marvin’s given me over the years, that I caught on.”

Here, My Dear features five worlds, each with its own lovingly handcrafted monstrous caricatures of Marissa, her friends, and family. 

“This is the most emotionally available I’ve ever seen him,” said close friend and QA Tester, Scooter Kayama. “And the game is surprisingly enjoyable even for people outside their marriage. Granted, if you’ve never met Marissa’s sister, the third boss-battle loses a lot of its nuance. But you’re still fighting a harpy in a coffee shop, and that’s fun for everyone.”

At press time, a Kickstarter for an enhanced edition was in the works, with stretch goals to include professional voice actors and a better divorce attorney.

The post Man Builds Adorable Side-Scrolling Platformer to Ask Wife for Divorce appeared first on Palette Swap.

FRISCO, Texas — The developers behind looter-shooter sequel Borderlands 4, Gearbox Software, posted a statement to its social channels apologizing for the embarrassing performance of the CEO.

“Gamers, we hear you. You’re disappointed by the things you’ve seen and heard in the wake of Borderlands 4‘s release. We missed the mark, and acknowledge that this kind of performance is not up to the standards you expect from us,” began the customary PNG posted to Twitter and Instagram. “The thing is, Randy is just like that. We hate it too. Please play our game still. It’s a lot of fun and the rest of us worked really hard on it.”

Players took notice of the many regrettable comments Pitchford had made surrounding Borderlands 4 online, as evidenced by some of the social media rants that have been written since.

“I’m out here trying to figure out what I need to turn on or off in my NVIDIA control panel, and every search result is just Randy taking a shit on his customers. Get out of the way, idiot!” one agitated Benjie07 typed up on Saturday night. “And what’s all this crap about ‘it’s a premium game for premium gamers?’ How about get yourself a premium CEO? Putting Randy Pitchford in charge of a studio like Gearbox is like trying to drive a monster truck with a leaf blower’s motor. You’re going to be disappointed.”

YouTube channel, Digital Foundry — known for its technical analysis of video game software and hardware performance — have even weighed in on the issue.

“Randy Pitchford has tweeted something inflammatory about the Borderlands 4 fanbase an average of 4.2 times per hour. He’s likely able to achieve this frequency on either 5G or a Wi-Fi 6 mesh network,” explained analyst Richard Leadbetter in the recent upload. “Provocative comments tend to peak midday before dropping suddenly for roughly an hour. These spikes could be hunger related, calming down once Mr. Pitchford gets his lunch — but that’s just speculation.”

Digital Foundry continued.

“Randy’s blue checkmark does grant him more than 280 characters per post, which he is taking excessive advantage of. You may feel inclined to sign up for a premium X account yourself to ensure your mockery of Mr. Pitchford will reach the top of the replies, but the value still isn’t there yet in our expert opinion. We recommend making just fun of him on a free account for now, or wait for a discount.”

At press time, Pitchford doubled down on his comments with recent reports suggesting the CEO is threatening a second Borderlands movie.

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