TOKYO — Nintendo and Universal Pictures thrilled fans Wednesday morning by announcing the casting of Benjamin Evan Ainsworth in the live-action The Legend of Zelda movie in the role of “DIPSHIT.”

“When I created The Legend of Zelda, one of the goals was to allow players to step into the shoes of the hero and allow them to name the main character,” said Zelda creator and Executive Producer Shigeru Miyamoto. “I was thrilled to see Derek Connolly-san and T.S. Nowlin-san’s script had re-named Link as DIPSHIT, showing just how personal this film will be.”

A relative newcomer, Ainsworth is known for roles in Netflix’s The Haunting of Bly Manor and as the voice of the title character in Disney’s Pinocchio remake before taking on the hotly contested role of DIPSHIT.

“When I got the call that I was going to be in the Zelda movie, I was over the moon,” said Ainsworth on a break from a four-week intensive forward-roll training camp. “I was kinda hoping my character name was Link like it is in Smash Bros and stuff. Already people on the street are pointing at me and yelling stuff like ‘Hey, dipshit!’ and ‘Nice going, dispshit.’ 

Director Wes Ball expressed excitement about the film reaching this major milestone on its way to a May 2027 release.

“Hahahahahaha. Did you see this shit? The fucker’s name is DIPSHIT. I’ve got a part in the movie where that fucking owl is like, ‘did you get all that, DIPSHIT?’ Oh my god, this is fucking hilarious, man.”

At press time, Nintendo announced there will be an exclusive recut of the film when it eventually releases Blu-Ray where Ainsworth’s character is named “Zelda.”

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AKRON, Ohio – According to Ian Fisher, the lone developer of retro-inspired indie horror platformer Beneath the Farm, his bank account balance may be low, but you can’t help but be endeared by it.

“It’s short but full of charm,” Fisher said. “Even if it might not look impressive as far as graphical fidelity is concerned, you can tell a lot of heart went into it.”

Alex Bullett, who was once in a relationship with Fisher, shared a different perspective.

“Ian always wanted me to pay for dinner because his finances were in ‘early access,’” Bullett said. “The more of his expenses I covered, the larger his bank account balance would apparently become on a later date he never quite specified.”

Sometimes Bullett would ask him to look for a more lucrative job, but Fisher would always push back.

“He claimed that not having enough money to afford basic needs was ‘cozy,’” Bullett said. “Then, during the argument that ended our relationship, he insisted I was missing the point. His financial situation may have looked simple on the surface, but it was supposed to symbolize overcoming trauma and also the complexities of fatherhood.”

Inspired by this experience, Bullett developed her own visual novel about leaving a toxic partner. Critics called it an indie masterpiece, praising its emotional honesty despite primitive graphics and a brief length.

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It sucks that players are having to scour every asset and line of dialogue

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It's July 2025

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Hello everyone, Nebulous Translations is back online! It’s been four years since our last release (Mirrors, back in 2021) and this time, we’re proud to bring you the project that remained in development for a really long time – The Hybrid Front.

The Hybrid Front is a turn-based strategy game developed in conjunction by Sega, Oniro and HIC, originally released exclusively for the Japanese Sega Mega Drive. It’s also one of the 40 titles included with the Japanese version of the Sega Mega Drive Mini. Gameplay-wise, Hybrid Front draws heavy inspiration from the Daisenryaku series games, which, again, were mostly released in Japan. Western players might find it reminiscent of Advance Wars, which itself pays homage to Daisenryaku games.

But beyond from gameplay (and which is what originally drew our team to this project), The Hybrid Front features a rich sci-fi narrative written by Masahiro Noda, one of most prominent sci-fi writers in Japan. Each mission features extensive briefings, outcome summaries, and a lot of in-game dialogue. There’s also a detailed character profile database and an in-game historical timeline viewer - all of which have now been fully translated.

Due to various circumstances (you could read about it on the project page on Nebulous Translations site), this translation project was stuck in development hell for several years. But at long last, it’s finished and ready for you to enjoy.

Have fun, and thanks for your patience!

REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft has confirmed that after finally laying off every other employee, their gaming division is down to a singular man whose whole job is to remind you about Halo 2 and remember the halcyon days of the company.

“Man, that game was so good.” Jeremy McDaniels, now the sole employee of Microsoft Gaming Studios, said. “Remember how you could just grab your buds then piss the night away killing brutes and shit? God, I miss those days. Now all of my friends are looking for work, while I get to remind everyone of how cool Xbox was back when we were in middle school. Sure, thousands of people are without a job, but remember Blood Gulch?”

Microsoft Gaming CEO Phil Spencer is more than pleased with the current situation.

“Here at Xbox, we’re always looking towards the future. Now more than ever, the future of gaming is actually in the past. So, we’re devoted to making sure our customers never get anything new.” Spencer said in an internal memo firing all employees except McDaniels. “We know your teams were working on exciting and novel experiences, and that’s why we had to cancel them and fire you. Instead our gaming resources will be funneled directly into remembering how good we had it back in the 2000’s. The Xbox brand shall continue to be as strong as ever, just like in your memory.”

The laid-off developers understand the harsh reality of the industry.

“At first I was upset and frustrated,” Former developer on the recently canceled Everwild Joanna Norman said. “But then I realized that this is just the reality of the games industry. When I was hired I was fresh out of college and had two goals. One was to make a single game, the other was to give up my livelihood so that executives can get a nice bonus. I wasn’t able to achieve that first one, but by God I’m glad that I was able to achieve the second.”

At press time, Microsoft has also confirmed that McDaniels is also remembering Fable and Viva Piñata.

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