REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft has confirmed that after finally laying off every other employee, their gaming division is down to a singular man whose whole job is to remind you about Halo 2 and remember the halcyon days of the company.
“Man, that game was so good.” Jeremy McDaniels, now the sole employee of Microsoft Gaming Studios, said. “Remember how you could just grab your buds then piss the night away killing brutes and shit? God, I miss those days. Now all of my friends are looking for work, while I get to remind everyone of how cool Xbox was back when we were in middle school. Sure, thousands of people are without a job, but remember Blood Gulch?”
Microsoft Gaming CEO Phil Spencer is more than pleased with the current situation.
“Here at Xbox, we’re always looking towards the future. Now more than ever, the future of gaming is actually in the past. So, we’re devoted to making sure our customers never get anything new.” Spencer said in an internal memo firing all employees except McDaniels. “We know your teams were working on exciting and novel experiences, and that’s why we had to cancel them and fire you. Instead our gaming resources will be funneled directly into remembering how good we had it back in the 2000’s. The Xbox brand shall continue to be as strong as ever, just like in your memory.”
The laid-off developers understand the harsh reality of the industry.
“At first I was upset and frustrated,” Former developer on the recently canceled Everwild Joanna Norman said. “But then I realized that this is just the reality of the games industry. When I was hired I was fresh out of college and had two goals. One was to make a single game, the other was to give up my livelihood so that executives can get a nice bonus. I wasn’t able to achieve that first one, but by God I’m glad that I was able to achieve the second.”
At press time, Microsoft has also confirmed that McDaniels is also remembering Fable and Viva Piñata.
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Local student Bryce Wellingham, 19, professed to enjoy all sorts of Nintendo music, apart from the soundtracks of the Donkey Kong Country series and Donkey Kong 64’s DK Rap.
“When Nintendo announced the Nintendo Music app, I was excited,” explained Wellingham. “Finally I could get my fix of the Wii menu music without leaving the console on all the time. And I can rock out to NES bangers without having to pay eBay scalpers hundreds of dollars for the original cartridges. I mean, Super Mario Bros.? Doo-doo-doo doo doo doot-doot. I like it all. Except for that Donkey Kong Country and DK Rap stuff, that’s just not for me.”
The student’s eclectic music taste has even featured in dinner conversation on a recent date.
“I just asked what kind of music he liked, and an hour later he was still talking about the Results Theme from Dr. Kawashima’s Brain Training: How Old Is Your Brain,” said Christina Costa, 20, who met Wellingham on Tinder. “Then I thought he might ask what music I’m into, but instead he started ranting about how all Donkey Kong Country music sounds the same, and the DK rap is all about bling. To be honest, I got the impression he’s never actually heard any Donkey Kong music.”
Wellingham insists that he is not closed-minded, however.
“Donkey Kong Country soundtracks don’t do it for me, but there were plenty of good Rare soundtracks,” he explained. “GoldenEye 007 is a classic, and the Killer Instinct soundtrack, aside from TJ Combo’s theme of course. And sure, unlike most people my age I don’t usually like rap music, but the Banjo-Kazooie Rap actually has really clever lyrics. It’s just a shame those are being held hostage by Microsoft.”
At press time, Wellingham went on to further critique the foul language used in the DK Rap, which refers to Chunky Kong as “one hell of a guy”.
BUCKSPORT, Maine — After pouring every bit of personal anguish into their critically acclaimed debut, indie developer Harper Mitchell is reportedly struggling to find any unresolved trauma to fuel her highly anticipated follow-up.
“I really should have paced myself,” said Mitchell, staring at a nearly empty notepad with “maybe something about war???” scrawled at the top. “I put every heartbreak, every betrayal, every existential crisis into that first game. It was like therapy that I got paid for. What am I supposed to do now? Just… make something up? That can’t be right.”
Despite overwhelming sales figures and glowing reviews praising the game as “emotionally devastating” and “painfully personal”, Mitchell isn’t celebrating, admitting they may have been too eager to unload their entire burden in one go.
“That couldn’t have been everything, could it?” said Mitchell, frantically scrolling through an Archive.org backup of her old LiveJournal for inspiration. “Blaming myself for my parents divorce? Check. My constant fear of abandonment? There’s three cutscenes of that. There’s a whole water level about dropping out of law school. I even threw all my crappy high school poetry in there as collectible audio logs. There’s really nothing left to process.”
While her unflinching portrayal of the growing depths of teen depression in the American suburbs may have felt new to audiences, Mitchell’s current challenge is nothing new to the games industry.
“It’s a real problem, especially for first-time developers,” said industry veteran Thomas Moss. “You have to leave some scabs to pick at later, or you’ll end up making an overproduced sequel with a vague statement about the state of things these days. Or exploring how capitalism affects us. That rarely gets you a BAFTA anymore. You need to reach deep, really observe the world around you. You can even make your own trauma. I’m currently cheating on my wife just to explore the narrative beats.”
At press time, Mitchell was hoping that a game about the imposter syndrome that comes with trying to follow up a creative triumph wasn’t as thinly veiled as it seemed.
In 2013, while browsing on an erstwhile internet I discovered a download for a game called OFF, created by some guy named Mortis Ghost. Originally released way back in 2008, it had finally been translated into English from the original French. It was described as an off-beat RPG, one of my favorite types of G’s to RP in. The screenshots showed off an interesting world of monochromatic characters and weird worlds punctuated by bright, surreal backgrounds.
Instantly intrigued, I installed it and played through the night. Meeting weirdo characters, reading strange and off-kilter dialogue, exploring the different Zones, and fighting monsters while the ear-honey that is this track by the game’s composer Alias Conrad Coldwood plays.
You know what, just leave that on while reading this. You’ll thank me later.
You can’t show me some shit like this and NOT expect me to throw off my sleep schedule playing it all night.
I didn’t beat it that first night, but after just one or two more like it I had completed it. I was engrossed by the story of the Batter, a black and white baseball-uniformed man with a single goal – to purify the world. As you puppeteer the character (this is not, in fact, a colorful way to describe the act of playing a game. ‘You’ are directly talked to from the moment you start playing, and are just a part of the story as any of the other characters), certain truths are revealed, and you realize that you might not have been given the whole picture of what it is you’ve been mindlessly doing the last few hours. Why is the Batter purifying everyone he comes across? Is it good or bad? What has been my role in this?
Eventually, at the end of the game you’re forced to make a choice. A very important choice that will irrevocably shape the world of OFF. I shan’t go into too much more detail as I want you to play it yourself. I’m a nice guy like that. This fourth-wall breaking and thematic look into video games as a concept might sound like another indie game that might have been released a few years later, and this is no mere coincidence.
OFFten Imitated
OFF, like many other indie RPG Maker games, would inspire several people. Be it fan-art, -fiction, -wiki, or -theory, people began to flock around this game on sites like Tumblr creating mountains of works that were inspired by the game. Eventually, someone named Toby Fox played it and was so inspired, he made some game called Undertale or something. This is just one of the several artists encouraged by the game.
Just one of the several times Toby Fox mentions OFF in the Official Undertale Artbook. Remember specifically how he was inspired by the music. It’ll come back later I swear!
The way OFF instantly became a cult classic was insane. While it might have been a few years after the original release, the widespread fandom on Tumblr was, I’m sure, how most of us found out about it. It spread like wildfire among some of the other bigger fandoms such as Homestuck. I’m sorry for bringing that up.
From there it quickly got attention as a must-play for anyone who loved weirdo games. Then a must-play for anyone who loved deep stories in games. Then a must-play for just about everyone. We even had Markiplier playing it.
People fell in love with the intense scraggly art style of Mortis Ghost, they fell in love with characters like the masked shopkeep Zacharie, whose convivial presence adds some nice humor and light to the otherwise grim story. It seemed like OFF was on top of the world. (Or at least sixth in the world, as shown by this year-in-review Tumblr post showing the most reblogged games of 2013, in which OFF beat Skyrim, Final Fantasy, and even League of Legends.)
I don’t really have any joke or anything to say about this pic, I just think it looks real neat and want to include it.
While it gained a huge cult following, it would never reach truly mainstream popularity. Due in-part to having the most ungoogleable name since MOTHER, and at least they changed that when it hit stateside. Unfortunately people on Tumblr moved onto the next big fandom, probably something like the Avengers or Sherlock. Places where their specific type of fan-art would be better suited.
New games also came out, like the previously mentioned Undertale, that ate OFF’s lunch and expanded on the thematic elements in new and arguably more inventive ways. Less people made fanworks about it, and less people talked about it. As more and more time passed, it seemed OFF only lived in the margins of my notebooks, where I’d doodle Zacharie’s mask and the Batter’s mean mug. Eventually they disappeared from there too. Just as quickly as it entered the cultural consciousness, it faded without much noise. OFF, while definitely influential, seemed to have been lost to time.
Like a spark of an errant match way too close to the gas pump, the trailer for a new remastered version of OFF lit my previous love for the game and exploded the memories back into my mind. It’s hard to state the shock I had when I saw it, I truly never thought this game would ever see the light of day again, and here it is, plopped into my YouTube recommended videos. Despite the shock, it was a more-than-pleasant surprise. One that still boggles my mind.
A screenshot of the OFF remaster featuring the most iconic cat with a big toothy smile, The Judge. Well, maybe second most iconic.
However, this was not the same OFF had played over a decade ago. Billed as the new and improved definitive edition, it includes several new additions. From simple things like a bezel featuring new art, to more expansive changes like a retranslation, new gameplay segments, and even a newly recorded soundtrack with music by several indie darlings, including none other than Toby Fox (I told you it’d come back!), fulfilling the prophecy and creating an ouroboros of inspiration and involvement. He is the snakehead eating the head of the opposite side.
While I’m not sure how much new stuff is added at the moment, I’m sure it’ll both retain that same OFF experience I had, while expanding and more fully realized version, especially since Mortis Ghost is fully involved. This remaster gives OFF a much-needed second chance at life. I hope this causes more people to play this game, as it is definitely one of the most interesting and unique games I’ve ever played.
YouTube channel The Gaming Shelf held an Indie Quest 2025 Showcase, during which it provided trailers and reveals for forty upcoming and recently released indie RPGs. The 85-minute show — viewable in full below — featured appearances from the following titles:
Imagine getting up on stage for a presentation that would have cost in the ballpark of $500,000, all to promote your new video game, and instead of having people talk about it, they are instead talking about:
a) Your stupid hat
b) How your little speech sounded like a wizard breathed life into a downvoted Reddit comment.
Log in
