Atari and Fabraz have posted a new, nearly 90-minute-long promotional video for their upcoming 3D platformer, Bubsy 4D. Throughout this video, Bubsy’s fourth-wall-breaking humor and personality persist in a VTuber format, voiced by Sean Chiplock. Plenty of new gameplay is also showcased. Bubsy’s goal this time around is to defeat the new foe, the BaaBots. [...]

'Microsoft does not have anything to share on this matter'

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KYOTO — In an attempt to replicate the success of Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Nintendo is reportedly cooking up a brand-new infectious disease that they anticipate will leave players isolated and addicted, just in time for an upgraded version on the new hardware.

“We’re attempting to capture lightning in a bottle once again,” stated Nintendo President Shuntaro Furukawa. “Our initial thinking was that by releasing the updated game in January, right as the stark winter months kick in, gamers will have nowhere else to turn but their Animal Crossing island. Still, we needed some extra reassurance. That’s why we’re testing dangerous new illnesses on lab rats in a brand-new wing of our facility. We want to make sure GameChat is the premiere option for communication moving forward. Seriously—we really need you guys to start using it.”

Nintendo is reportedly partnering with United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to help manufacture the situation.

“Vaccines and masks will be illegal following the release of Animal Crossing: New Horizons – Nintendo Switch 2 Edition,” explained Kennedy. “We want to make sure that absolutely everybody can enjoy this gaming experience, and that people’s rights are not being stripped away by the government. We’ll also have an official White House island that anyone can visit and learn about our country and its newly modified history—only if you’re there legally, of course.”

Fan response to the decision was divisive.

“Well, at least they’re not charging 20 bucks to upgrade this time,” read a post on /r/AnimalCrossing. “The new additions look fun, and I’m looking forward to trying out the mouse controls, but I’d rather not go through a global pandemic again. That’s a moment in time I think we can all look back on and kind of laugh about together, but it would be nice to, you know, go back to normal again if possible.”

At press time, Nintendo encouraged all players to do their own research on infectious diseases, but advised them not to look too deeply into their variable pricing strategy.

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CHASKA, Minn. — After months of diligent prayer, fasting, and crunch, indie studio Threshing Floor’s debut game, the heavily Christian, “Ezekiel And The Mountains Of The Dead” has released to middling reviews that one team member calls “divinely appointed”.

“I believe this score is part of God’s perfect will”, said lead developer Emily Vittorio. “We were hoping for something in the low 90’s, but that was in His hands. The folks at IGN, Skill Up, Destructoid, and FamilyGamer.biz are just pieces in His plan. The only review I care about comes from upstairs. Would have been nice if He helped sell enough copies to make payroll, though.”

Reverend Clarence Brocklehurst, an Episcopal Priest that streams Christian games on the 3DayRespawn channel, was one of the many that felt the game tested the player’s faith in the framerate more than in the Lord.

“Joel 1:3 instructs us. ‘Tell ye your children of it, and let your children tell their children’ but you’ve got to give them something to talk about. I think He would have understood trying to update the language a little. Or spending an additional 40 days in the desert squashing performance issues. I know [Vittorio] pointed to James 4:12, asking who are we to sit in judgement of our fellow man? Forget judgement, ask for forgiveness for the recycled textures and persistent clipping issues.”

The studio’s creative director, Francine Mulcahy, lamented losing the original vision which included modding support for different biblical translations, and a morality system inspired by Leviticus, which penalized players for wearing mixed fabrics.

“We were plagued with budget issues from the start,” Mulcahy explained, “but Emily said that we were only being tested. Given opportunity to grow. Were we discouraged by raising only $412 on Kickstarter? No, Proverbs 17:3 says these trials are just a crucible for silver. Well, maybe not silver. What’s the metal equivalent of a 68? Tin?” 

In a recent blog post, Threshing Floor has reaffirmed their commitment to spreading the word of the Lord through gaming, and hope that another pass of the collection plate may get enough to renew their Unity license.

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"They added a new Clippy. He looks like shit. He’s a little blob. Fuck you! I don’t want that!"

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DENVER — Putt-Putt Travels Through Time, a 1997 educational computer game intended to teach basic math and problem-solving skills to first graders, was recently the subject of a three-hour video essay in which a YouTube personality claimed that the game contains a number of deeper themes and messages intended for adults “if you know where to look.”

“People are so quick to dismiss games like Putt-Putt as baby stuff just because the recommended age for them is for kids 3-8,” YouTuber GyattyBear said, peering into the camera from beneath a Bluey trucker cap. “But the reality is that if you don’t have great eyesight, it looks like it says for ages 38 when you’re looking at the artwork in the Steam store. And I think that was an intentional choice. Sit back, pop a Sunny D and lemme explain why this Millennial classic is a little darker than you remember.”

Friends of GyattyBear—real name Mason Rhett, 37—say they had not watched his latest video but totally intend to get around to it eventually, probably.

“I think ‘friend’ is maybe a strong word,” Devin Hanscome, 19, said. “Mason and I work together at Albertson’s and we have a lot of the same shifts but that dude is like twice my age. I only subscribed to his channel because he held his breath until I agreed and I thought he was going to pass out and go face first into the sweet potatoes. I’ll probably just skim the video so I can repeat back a sentence or two when he asks if I watched.”

Comments under the video, which runs nearly three times as long as the average playthrough of Putt-Putt Travels Through Time, were divisive, as gamers tried to determine whether Rhett’s analysis was supported by the game’s text. 

“Bro cookin fr fr here,” user RipClubPengin2015 said in a comment timestamped to a part of the video where Rhett claimed the game’s inclusion of Putt-Putt’s puppy and homework as macguffins symbolizes the way capitalism forces people to choose between work and pleasure. “No wonder the depiction of Put-puts [sic] panic attack was so real.”

“Dude, it’s a game for kids in diapers. Play something real like Piglet’s Big Game if you want maturity,” a comment by ShortMyEats read. 

“Please have your dad call me back about Sal’s retirement party love Uncle Ross,” wrote another user.

At press time, Rhett was seen cowering under his blankets after accidentally downloading Freddi Fish 2: The Case of the Haunted Schoolhouse.

The post ‘Putt-Putt Travels Through Time Explores Some Pretty Mature Themes,’ Insists 3-Hour Video Essay appeared first on Palette Swap.